Rapture!: The Lost Audio Diaries
by maxmordon
Summary: Ever wondered what audio diaries we didn't get to hear? Those that the Rapturians feel ashamed of?
1. Would you kindly ignore my awful intro?

Introduction

Considered one of the best videogames in the decade, there is no doubt that Bioshock has become a classic to the genre. Helping this is of course the atmosphere by the stunning deco underwater metropolis of Rapture and the superb dialogue, especially those included in the audio dairies where, dilapidated through the ruins of the city, reveal bit by bit aspects of how this Mahagonny of brass and steel sank to the depths of madness and horror.

These are the stories of some audio diaries, but not common lost audio diaries. The quirky audio diaries that would make some Rapturians wish the earth to swallow them full.

Here are the lost audio diaries of Rapture…


	2. What a fella!

**Transcript:**

**Gloria:** Hey Sally, what's cooking? Didn't see you last night in Fort Frolic.

**Sally:** Well, you know Lars Dixon?

**Gloria:** Sure, he's that cute soda jerk who works at Central Square in Olympus Heights, he's the talk of the town!

**Sally:** Well, guess who went out to the Tea Garden with the talk of the town!

**Gloria:** Oh my, you really…?

**Sally:** Yes! And it was dreamy, Gloria. Never met such a romantic fella down here!

**Gloria:** And was he… you know… well-endowed?

**Sally:** And without using tonics! *chuckles*

**Gloria:** Sounds better than those leatherhead jerks, or that drunken mess of a poet of Hector Rodriguez.

**Sally:** He is and more! But there's a problem. Gloria. I cannot see him anymore.

**Gloria:** Heavens, Sally. Why is that?

**Sally:** He's way out of my league.

**Gloria:** What a tragedy!, but I bet he will find some good enough girl at his job on the Central Square Bistro in Olympus Heights Tuesdays and Thursdays afternoon and Fridays and Saturdays on the evenings.

**Sally:** One can always hope, especially brunettes. He adores brunettes!

**Sally:** This is perhaps your stupidest idea, Lars.

**Lars:** It will work, you'll see!

**Gloria:** Who cares, Sally?, you promised us twenty, you little-

**Location: **Ladies bathroom of Athena Academy for Young Women.


	3. Nun of my business Meeting Fontaine

**Transcript: **

**Stenographer:** Council File Meeting A-2601. Date: 21st February, 1946. Citizenship interview of candidate Fontaine, Francis Xavier.

**Ryan:** Well, I want to begin this meeting stating that we glad you have contacted us, Mr. Fontaine. It is to my displeasure to see not as many people as expected being interested on the Rapture project.

**Sullivan:** I thought we had agree we would only contact those we thought fit, Mr. Ryan.

**Ryan:** And we're. That is why we hide clues on the newspapers that only the best and brightest can decipher and pick-up!

**Fontaine:** Thank you, Mr. Ryan. I must agree, it was indeed a hella of a crossword.

**Ryan:** Indeed, The New York Times Sunday crossword is the task for a few gifted and virtuous…

**McDonagh:** *mumbling* 'Ere we go again…

**Ryan:**…who are sadly castrated by the droning majority!, by them, of course, I refer to the…

**Sullivan**** and McDonagh:** *bored* Parasites.

**Ryan:** *coughs* Anyhow, I see here you work in the New York City docks. Please, feel free to tell us more about it.

**Fontaine:** Oh, yeah… I manage labor unions.

**Ryan:** *worried* Oh? So, are you a supporter of the trade union movement?

**Fontaine:** Supporter? *laughs* Good joke, pal. I mean, Mr. Ryan. Me and my men make sure keep that commie shit in place with the Micks and Poles.

**Ryan:** Ah! I glad to hear that, for a moment I thought you were some kind of criminal.

**Sullivan:** *impatient* May I ask you a question, Mr. Fontaine? Who are exactly… *passing some papers* Fr. Flaherty and Long Dong Fong?

**McDonagh:** *chuckles* Long Dong.

**Fontaine:** Well… Eh… You see, sometimes the scum from the government is not, um, ain't agree with some goods reaching to the people and one is forced to go underground, before going to the mattresses. You know how The Man can be at times.

**Ryan:** I share your sentiment, Mr. Fontaine. I was forced to emigrate from Russia after Lenin and its cabinet of criminals took power defiling the world! Those…

**Sullivan**** and McDonagh:** *bored* Parasites.

**Sullivan:** I see… but it says here that you are sought by the local authorities for blowing an orphanage in the Bronx.

**Fontaine:** It was a misunderstanding.

**Sullivan:** *passing papers* Twice? Is this correct?

**Fontaine:** Well, those nuns had it coming! One tries to do business and they start out saying "fair hours" this, "pay off injuries" that and before you know it, you have a bunch of drunken micks nickering all day about "Me God and all saints, these goddamn exploiters, Patrick"

**McDonagh:** You are nothing but a vulgar scab!

**Fontaine:** Watch your mouth, Mac! Wait a minute, didn't you fix my crapper last year? What kind of sham Banana Republic are you setting here?

**Sullivan:** He got you there, Bill!

**McDonagh:** Oh, shut up! Everyone knows you were a night watchman in Macy's.

**Ryan:** Gentlemen! Please calm down!, It is obvious that Mr. Fontaine strength of will and cleverness compensates a formal education. Nonetheless, that doesn't make him less admirable.

**Sullivan:** How did you do the crossword, by the way?

**Fontaine:** Oh, I didn't do that thing. I found it already done over a bench in Central Park. I first thought it was one those sex clubs rich people have, but seems to be quite a sausage-fest.

**McDonagh:** *whispering* And he hasn't met Cohen yet…

**Ryan:** Men, please stand up and greet our new fellow Rapturian citizen, Francis Fontaine. I know a bright future awaits you in Rapture…!

*chairs moving and cheers*

**Fontaine:** I doubt this will be something you regret, Mr. Ryan. There will be chicks down there, right?

**Ryan:** Many fine examples of womanhood, who are not bound by the laws of morality imposed the lies and traps of…

**Fontaine:** Do you mean they are into frisky stuff?

**McDonagh:***whispering* Are you sure about this guy?

**Ryan**: *whispering* Don't worry. He may come useful if some of the hoi polloi chooses to rebel. Besides, it wouldn't be bad to Sullivan have some competition.

**Sullivan:** You know, I am right here next to you, and we are all talking to microphones.

**Location:** Andrew Ryan's archive of private records, registry and secret porn stash.


End file.
